how do I love you

How do I love you?

Recently while studying I learned that the greeks have 4 different words for love.  They are

Storge - Familial, such as mother, father, daughter, brother, etc

Philia - Friendship

Eros - Intimate, sexual, romantic

Agape - General love for everyone (charity)

I would like to note that the greeks considered Philia to be the deepest and truest form of love.  I want to elaborate on that concept and speak about how I love people.

I considered my family to be a combination of Philia and Storge while I considered my spouse to be a combination of Philia and Eros.  I found that to me Storge, Eros, and Agape seemed to define the type of relationship while Philia defined the depth and strength of the relationship.

I say this because I see people all the time who have a lot of Eros for each other.  Some of these people get married only to find that their relationship had no substance.  I have also seen people who love their family because they are family, but they are not close to them.  THey do not considered anyone in their family, or only a few people, to be friends.  For me I feel grateful to have a deep relationship with my immediate family.  But if I look out to some of my extended family, such as some really really distant cousins.  I can honestly say that I have some friends who I love more than them.  

My spouse is my best friend!  One thing that makes my relationship unique with my spouse is she is not only my best friend but we have Eros for each other.  That is something special and unique to our marriage and is a kind of love that we do not share with anyone else.

I would also add that I have some friends that I am so close to that I would add Storge because I consider them to be brothers, or father like figures, or so on.

Then of course you have Agape.  I would say that in general I do have a love for people.  I want to help people, I would say that I have compassion.  I would say that Agape is just sort of a general feeling for everyone.

Gender Identity

A persons sex and gender are for all intents and purposes the same.  Society has not created the differences between men and women, but rather society has formed around embracing these differences.  Women and men naturally have differences from birth based on their gender.

A main articles that I will be talking about is from the American College of Pediatricians.  Here is a link to the article.  http://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/gender-ideology-harms-children

This article talks about how treating kids as gender neutral or encouraging them to choose a gender that does not match their sex is basically child abuse.  The state of being homosexual is a mental disorder.  Rather than encourage people to be homosexual we should be encouraging people to move away from those tendencies.  Research shows that typically those who engage in homosexual behavior suffer from more problems than those who do not.  One interesting statistic is that those who are homosexual or transgender have suicide rates comparable to that of the Jews in Nazi Germany.  Alot of people blame the mental state of homosexual on how our society treats them, in order for you to convince me of that you would have to demonstrate that they are experiencing the same level of prejudice, discrimination, and other hateful actions that the Jews in Nazi Germany experienced.

I guess to summarize what I am trying to say.  Homosexuality is not a practice or activity that should be encouraged.  It is not healthy and it does not benefit individuals.  I suffer from depression.  It is a mental disorder.  That does not make me any less of a person, but being depressed is not something to be encouraged or celebrate.  People who experience and practice and identify as homosexual should be encouraged to seek help in order to overcome their challenges.

Are some cultures more valid than others?

So the main question that this post attempts to answer is.  Are some cultures more valid than others?  In order to answer this question I need to make sure that we are all on the same page first.  A culture can relate to a nation, family, group of people, holiday, or event.  Culture is the total sum of the beliefs and practices that are associated with said nation, family, group of people, holiday, or event.  Valid can be determined as how healthy the culture is for both societies and the individuals in those societies.

An example that was recently presented in my class was as follows.

First a culture where when the husband died before his wife then the wife would be burned with the husbands body.  This started where a woman was so distraught at her husbands death that she cast herself onto the fire.  Families would then turn to the widow and say something to the effect of "Don't you love your husband as much as she did?  We will watch after your children, with this you do not have to suffer without your husband."

I found myself surprised that most of the class would not say that some cultures are more valid than others, they stated that this was a valid culture, it was up to the women and those people, and that to the mourning women it was quote "Valid to them."

I would simply say that "Yes, some cultures are more valid than others."  I got alot of interesting looks when I stated that as well.  Part of what forms my belief is that I do belief in absolute truth, or that something can be true and a fact even if no one else believes it.  Regarding the previous example I would not support a culture that involves suicide and encourages a practice that strips children of both of their biological parents.

By saying that some cultures are more valid than others I am not saying that I am part of a perfect culture; however, I am saying that all cultures have practices that they should probably drop.  For example, the Christmas culture.  Their is a commercial Christmas culture that I despise.  It involves greed, pride, selfishness, envy, a lust for that which is worldly, and in general is destructive to individuals and society.  I am even going to be so bold as to say that certain "Christian Christmas" cultures are indeed more valid than a "Commercial Christmas" culture.

I think it is important to look at what we do and evaluate if it is good or bad.  Cultures can change, I have first hand witnessed families where drinking and abuse were prevalent.  They changed their "Family" culture.  We should take a close look at the cultures we involve ourselves in to see if they are good.

The Family, the building block of society

Healthy families are essential for healthy societies.  Family units are building blocks that help to creature, structure, and form the societies that they are apart of.  That is one reason why I have chosen to pursue a Marriage and Family Therapy degree.  I want to help people.  One of the basic principles that I am currently studying is how much the choices of an individual or a family can ripple throughout society.

For example, one question for couples is "how many children they should have?"  I want to specifically talk about this question.  I am going to talk about a myth circulating it and how the answer to this question really does matter.  One myth circulating in the world is that we are currently suffering from over population.  This myth is simply not accurate.  It is not accurate in two primary ways.  The first way is in regards to space.  Cities may make it seem like we are overcrowded but actually if you gave every family household 1 acre of land it is estimated that you could fit the worlds population into Brazil.  It is also estimated that if you gave every single individual on earth today 1 acre, then you could fit the entire human population into the continent of Africa leaving the whole rest of the world open.  The second factor is in population growth.  I learned from my studies that the reason for the recent population boom wasn't because of an increase in fertility rate (fertility rates have actually been dropping) but because mortality rates dropped.  People aren't dying as often, and they are living longer.  

Now as for impact.  Some people seem to believe that if you have more children then they will use more resources and somehow it will be worse for the environment and the economy at large.  The truth can be just the opposite.  It seems that people can actually be raised to help preserve the environment and to actually produce!  Imagine that, having more people means that we have more "human capital" or more individuals who if educated properly can help to grow the economy and also who can work to preserve the environment.

One thing most people do not realize is that the world is beginning to experience negative side effects from something called "depopulation."  Specifically in America we are seeing the potential decrease in "human capital."  We are seeing less people, who are generally less educated than the previous generations.  This leads to economic problems.

So, long story short, having less children can negatively at large effect society, and having more children has the potential to contribute to the world at large.